| A rich man approaches the gate and requests access. Saint Peter takes a good look at him and asks: "What are the merits you have accumulated on the earthly plane?" "I accumulated a lot of money and possessions", the rich man says. "Okay, and that's it?" Saint Peter counters. "What do you mean, that's it? The world revolves around money. Do you know how much time and effort it takes, people don't just give you their money. How did you build this splendid heaven of yours, was it for free?" Saint Peter now explains that they have moved far beyond the need for money, and that other kinds of merits are required to gain access to heaven. The rich man is not discouraged and opens a suitcase filled to the brim with precious stones and gold pieces: "All yours if you will just let me pass. Do with it what you like." Saint Peter calmly objects and repeats what he just said. The rich man raises the stakes: "Okay, pfff, you're a tough negotiator, but you know what: I'll give you all the billions of dollars I earned, just let me keep a few million for pocket change. That kind of money goes a long way, you could do renovations and refurbishments all over heaven, and..." Saint Peter interrupts him and replies: "You don't get it, do you? This is not a negotiation. All throughout your life you were judging business deals on their profitability, but here I am judging you on your overall merits. You should have spent the money on people who are actually in need while you had the chance, we cannot let you in!" The rich man sees the futility of his efforts now and slips away shaking his head in disbelief. |
| A devout nun approaches the gate and greets Saint Peter as if meeting an old friend. She mentions she has made reservations a long time ago and has now come to join the company of God. "That's funny, because we don't take reservations. We don't work that way." answers Saint Peter. "But I have followed all the rules, dear saint, I lived to the book faithfully..." the nun remarks with some degree of astonishment. "What book would that be?" Saint Peter asks. "Well, the holy bible of course, what else? The word of God in writing." the nun now exclaims with growing discomfort. "Ah, that book! I'm afraid you have been misled. It's not God's words, not even so much Jesus' words that ended up in the book you just mentioned. Before you became a nun there was this young man who passionately sought your love, but you rejected him; why did you do that?" Saint Peter changes the conversation. "I know of whom you speak, but I couldn't love him because I saved all my love for Jesus." the nun explains. "Jesus has a ton of lovers, but this young man had none, he was very depressed when you turned him down. Did you even consider how he would feel?" Saint Peter now asks in a penetrating manner. "It was a sacrifice for me to make just as much as for him" the nun replied rather desperately. "Sacrifices are the way of the followers of Satan, not of our heavenly brothers and sisters", Saint Peter quipped, "sorry, we cannot grant you entry into heaven. When you turn around the corner on the main road you will find our deprogramming center, they will figure out what to do with you." The nun sighs deeply and walks away with her shoulders down. |
| A pure bred scumbag approaches the gate and hurles an insult at Saint Peter: "Open that fucking gate, you weary oldtimer, I want to get in." "Jesus Christ, hasn't anyone taught you good manners?" Saint Peter rhetorically bounces. "What good are good manners? It's all a big swindle, people don't listen anyway. In fact my experience is they listen better when you really get their attention, for instance by blowing up their front door or by slicing off their finger or ear with a nice sharp knife." the scumbag confirms. "Right, and I suppose you were on the giving end of such deals?" Saint Peter pings back. "Of course I was, I'm not crazy. Although I have been treated roughly enough while I was getting the hang of it..." the scumbag assures. "You have some nerve showing up here! So why the hell should I let you in, of all people?" Saint Peter wonders. "Because all sins are forgiven as soon as they are committed, isn't it? That's what the preachers told me, and they were told by your big boss. So do we have a problem? I have connections, you know, the kind of folks you wouldn't want to pay a visit!" the scumbag menacingly hisses at Saint Peter. "Well, to put things into perspective, you are exactly the kind of folk I wouldn't want to have around, and I know for sure my brothers and sisters in heaven feel the same. Goodbye." replies Saint Peter back and whisks the scumbag away. "I feel like a night porter in a dangerous neighbourhood sometimes, maybe I should consider a change of career" mumbles Saint Peter while the scumbag makes offensive gestures as he walks backwards and keeps Saint Peter in his angry sight for what feels like an eternity. |
| A seductive hooker approaches the gate and whinks lustfully at Saint Peter. "Hey, cute guy, do you think we can have a little adventure together?" she whispers into Saint Peter's ear as her red lips are bare millimeters away from his head. "That depends what kind of adventure you have in mind, miss" answers Saint Peter. "You know, I wash your back and you wash mine, we help each other out. Just tell me what intimate desires you have, and I'll see what I can do for you." the hooker inquires. "My most intimate desire is to find the pearls among humanity and bring them together" Saint Peter clarifies. "Ah, okay, that is not exactly the answer I was looking for. I mean, how is your libido? Sorry for my bluntness. Am I the kind of girl you would fancy?" the hooker insists. "Well, suppose you were, what are you looking to get out of it?" Saint Peter asks. "Oh, just this little thingy, the key of the gate to heaven, that's all" the hooker answers. "I've got you there, you don't need to take your clothes off to be naked in my view, I can see through you. Your priorities are not the same as ours, giving only when you get something in return. Elicit people to share their secrets only to use it for your own benefit. Across the street is our rehabilitation center, they offer good service free of charge, in case you are interested." affably laughs Saint Peter at the hooker as he sees the look on her face suddenly change as if a mask has just fallen off, and she recedes visibly disappointed. "I had worse candidates today, that I admit" thinks Saint Peter while he retreats to retake his station at the gate. |
| A fanatical suicide bomber approaches the gate and shouts: "Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar. I killed a group of infidels who were a pain in God's sight. I am coming to collect my reward, o holy servant." Saint Peter just watches and listens as the suicide bomber feverishly tells about his accomplishment. "I have wanted to be a martyr for God and the great prophet for a long time, especially since the imam told me about the 100 virgins that would be waiting for me in heaven." he blurts. "So you feel satisfied with the task you fulfilled, as I understand it. And what should become of those you killed?" wonders Saint Peter. "Well, throw them in hell, I don't care what becomes of them. They are irredeemable sinners and don't deserve salvation. They have denied God and rejected the true teachings. There is no undoing that." emphasizes the suicide bomber. "Okay, if you say so," replies Saint Peter, and points the suicide bomber to a hidden side door while speaking in a low voice, "here is the real door to heaven, the main gate is just to fool the undeserving ones. Please enter." The suicide bomber lifts his chest, thinking "I knew it, now I finally get my reward, the recognition for my work and dedication." He enters the door, which slams shut and in front of him appear 100 of the ugliest, most repulsive women he has ever seen, who all have festering wounds and other visible signs of serious diseases. "We are all virgins, whom do you choose to be with first?" one of the women squeeks. "No wonder, who would want to be with you? Get away from me!" answers the suicide bomber. Upon that reply the women out of frustration for yet another rejection jointly push him into the furnace of hell, and the suicide bomber can only cry "This isn't happening, how can this be real? Please help me!" |
| An arrogant bitch approaches the gate and directs her attention to Saint Peter: "Where is my welcoming committee? I would have expected more decorum for an important arrival such as mine. Are you taking care of matters alone?" Saint Peter is taken aback by the rather aggressive address of the bitch and asks "Do you think I am not up to the task? Do you measure quality in numbers?" "Well, is this heaven or just some sorry ass duplicate or fake? It is not in line with how I see heaven." the bitch snitches. "How do you see heaven then?" inquires Saint Peter. "I would think it has a lot of luxury, abundance, lots of servants, fresh flowers everywhere, the best quality porcelain, and everyone agreeing with what I say. As soon as I wish for something it is presented to me, just like that;" dreams the bitch, "and the best artists creating art for me, of course. The finest musicians singing and playing, all that." "And what would be your contribution to heaven?" Saint Peter wants to know. "Teaching people good taste, directing people how things should be done properly, those kind of things. You see?" the bitch elucidates. Saint Peter replies: "I see, there is just one thing which doesn't sit comfortably with me. How to say it?" "Well, say it man, speak up! What do you mean to say? I made a long trip to get here." the bitch retorts. "I just don't have the right feeling with you, you question everything and everyone but yourself, you are not loving;" Saint Peter stipulates, "access denied." "Well, have you ever..." the bitch murmers and walks off in a very agitated mood. |
| A woke non-binary person approaches the gate and says hello to Saint Peter. Saint Peter remarks that he avoids using the greeting word the non-binary person just spoke, as it contains the name of a quite unbecoming realm. "Oh, okay, a bit weird but I get it." the non-binary person remarks. Saint Peter explains that languages have been doctored with back on Earth to suit evil purposes. "Yes, the same as with genders, isn't it? People always try to put you into a box so they know who you are before even knowing you. But leaders I look up to assured us that people such as myself are just fine, more than that, we are the examples for the future!" the non-binary person goes on. "Well, I have some side notes on that;" Saint Peter responds, "when you were still in your physical body you had X and Y chromosomes, meaning you were a man, your body was male. You felt differently, because your soul is female, as your twin soul is the male counterpart. The intention was for you to bridge the polarities and balance them. This is the divine design which allows for the hieros gamos when both twin souls finally reunite." "But I don't want to be called a man, I regard it as a denial of how I feel. I mean, God isn't male or female either, are they?" the non-binary person objects. "The unmanifest origin of God may be non-binary, but the active Creator is giving birth to Creation from the female second chakra, never delved into that?" Saint Peter digs deeper. "Do you have clarity about your identity at all?" he continues. "What kind of question is that? Why are you being nasty to me?" the non-binary person now objects. "Is heaven gender neutral or not?" they ask. "Well, we have toilets for men, toilets for women, and toilets for everyone. Others pee outside in nature, some give their partner a golden shower. It's free choice." Saint Peter describes. "Never mind, I don't think heaven is for me." the non-binary person notes and leaves, shrugging their shoulders. |
| A caring mother approaches the gate, points to Saint Peter and asks if he is the famous Saint Peter. "That's me alright, the one and only." smiles Saint Peter. "If I had a phone with me I would take a selfie with you, people back home would be so thrilled to see the photo of us together..." the mother squirts. "What is your family like, tell me about them" Saint Peter requests. "Ah, I have a very nice family, my dear husband is a dependable, responsible man and a good father. My children have been doing quite well, even though there are some issues occasionally. We have lots of friends and we have parties and meetups regularly, although that had lessened a bit lately." "Oh, what happened, was there a particular reason for the reduced number of get togethers?" Saint Peter inquires. "Yes, there were suddenly various people in our circle with the strangest health issues, including one of my own kids. And me being here and talking to you, well need I say more?" the mother resumes. "Did you and your friends take medical advice?" Saint Peter now asks. "Of course we did, we visited our general practitioners, a few went to hospital and consulted the doctors there." the mother assures. "Okay, but how about alternative healers, experts in their own field who can shed a different light on health issues?" Saint Peter wants to know. "Such quacks, why would I go to those kind of folks? One might as well read conspiracy theories on internet then, such a bunch of baloney! I have better things to do with my time." the mother judges. "And it never dawned on you that there might be some truth in there, some learning material, some wake up signal for you and your relatives?" Saint Peter retorts. "I see you are a fine individual by and of itself, but you lack independent thought and a sharp sense of discernment. You put your trust in the wrong people at times and don't recognize the consequences of those choices. I refer you to our deprogramming center, you will find a variety of people there including a nun that was here earlier today. Come back when you finished the treatment there." Saint Peter advises. |
| A certified doctor approaches the gate and starts interviewing Saint Peter about the architectural style of heaven's walls and the construction methods used. Saint Peter provides him with the information of his interest and then changes the subject: "How was your life down there? Did you treat a lot of patients?" "Oh man, don't get me started. So many people take such poor care of their health, and then when their body starts protesting they come to me to have their problem solved. I mean, I studied medicine, but at times I felt more like a restoration worker than a medic. People basically know what is required to stay healthy, but they just don't do what they should do. Exercising, eating nutricious food, taking their medicines punctually." complains the doctor. "I see, but did you do what you should have done?" Saint Peter pierces the doctor's train of thought. "I tried to, but it wasn't always made easy. The rules and laws that you are dealing with, people's shortcomings, lack of discipline, corrupt practices in the medical industry..." the doctor excuses himself. "Aha, so you knew about certain dishonest behaviour by colleagues of yours?" Saint Peter inquires in an aroused manner. "I knew of a few unpalatable things alright, but what to do being alone in this awareness? To whom can you confide such delicate matters, I mean my career was on the line." the doctor defends himself. "Hmm, there were options alright. You could have blown the whistle, even anonymously if you feared the repercussions. I find that you essentially chose the riskfree path in spite of your consciousness urging you otherwise. You will need to have another go at it, I cannot let you into heaven's company." Saint Peter determines. "And that's it? You send me away like that?" the doctor assesses. "You can get a few pills, like you gave your patients, if that comforts you." Saint Peter concludes. |
| A humble housewife approaches the gate and is overwhelmed to meet Saint Peter. "Wow, it is an absolute honor to meet you, Saint Peter." the housewife confesses. "Thank you, I am honored to meet you, dear housewife. How did you end up here?" Saint Peter mirrors his guest. "I had a traffic accident while I was getting groceries. A careless driver ran into me sideways and there I went flying." the housewife details. "Yeah, you flew from the Earth all the way to here. Are you angry at the driver who hit you?" Saint Peter wants to know. "What use is it being angry? It happened so fast, I just didn't see it coming." the housewife responds. "Tell me about the life you left behind." Saint Peter bids. "Oh, my life was rather ordinary, I took care of our family, did the household tasks, made sure everyone was fine and supported my children; I also looked after my parents as they got older and were more dependent." the housewife elaborates. "I think you did more than just taking care and supporting; you encouraged everyone around you to do their best, be honest and straightforward, you shared your insights and little tips and tricks with those who could use it, and all the while you were so modest. Did you also take good care of yourself?" asks Saint Peter. "Yes, I did, one needs to be healthy and fit to help others and keep going. My best advice I applied on myself also." the housewife assures. "We have an opening in the kitchen for you, if you're interested. Creating new recipes, designing new utensils, testing out and finetuning dishes, those sort of things." Saint Peter offers. "I am more than happy to accept..." the housewife smiles at Saint Peter. Saint Peter commands the gate of heaven to open and a breathtakingly beautiful landscape unfolds, as a few members of heaven walk up to the housewife to welcome her. Tears appear in her eyes as she gladly enters. A small group of bystanders storms the gate in an attempt to get in, but they run into an invisible forcefield that bounces them back. Saint Peter sighs with relief and satisfaction to be able to grant access to a candidate, the first of the day. |
| A pathological liar approaches the gate and says hello. Saint Peter rather says hi to him. Saint Peter, I presume? Indeed, it's me. "I have heard about the place you have here, and it seems to be mighty fine. I wouldn't mind spending some time around here." the liar starts out. "Words cannot really describe heaven, sir. One has to see and experience it to know it for real. But we don't just let everyone in, you must have earned it." Saint Peter points out. "Of course, one wouldn't want it any other way. I don't want to brag about myself, but I made a strong contribution to our world while I was in the flesh. I acquired the position to wield power and took the opportunity to use it for the good of the people, regardless their background or social class." the liar builds his case. "Hmm, if I look into your curriculum the appearance is a bit different, to put it mildly. Compared to most others in comparable positions you have a lower score for integrity, for empathy, for considering special circumstances, as well as for effectiveness of your decisions. Also I heard many complaints about your behaviour towards subordinates." Saint Peter stipulates. "That must be a mistake, I never sought to take advantage of anyone or put anyone in jeopardy..." defends the liar. "Ah, jeopardy, yes; the story with the vaccines doesn't look pretty, does it? Much damage caused in campaigns that were supposed to protect people. People who were often ill informed and naive. Do you realize and acknowledge that?" Saint Peter tempts. "You don't do me justice, mister. It wasn't nearly as bad as you portray it." the liar tries. "On the contrary, I have rather understated the level of harm you have done. Many have lost trust in people in general because of the actions of yourself and others like you. Did you ever hear about purgatory?" Saint Peter now asks. "Purgatory? I thought that was some medieval fabrication by the church?" the liar reflects the question. "Oh no, it is real enough. The temperature is hardly half of that in hell, and you don't stay there nearly as long. Compared to hell it is relatively painless, I would say. If you go there, we can forget and forgive your sins and welcome you in our finer accomodations." Saint Peter offers. "Okay, if that's your recommendation, I accept." the liar answers. "If you will then please enter the tunnel under the hillside over there, you are guaranteed to find it. See you later." Saint Peter refers. The liar goes into the tunnel, slides down a muddy slope and then drops into fathomless depths. He keeps falling, falls deeper and deeper and it doesn't stop. It gets more uncomforable as time passes and it dawns on him that he fell into the infamous bottomless pit, wondering in panic if it will ever stop. "What a scoundrel, this Saint Peter, I should never have trusted him." is the thought that passes the liar's mind. |
| A cool party guy approaches the gate and gives a high five to Saint Peter. "How's it hanging, man?" "Marvelously so, thank you;" Saint Peter responds, "You're quite cheerful, no regrets being dead?" "I don't do regrets, it's a waste of energy. Life is a party, why not death as well?" the party guy answers. "That is a good precept. Not many people come here with such a notion. How did you deal with the difficulties of life on Earth?" Saint Peter invites. "There's always multiple sides to things that happen, I seek to learn a bit every day, from nice experiences and not so nice experiences. I cannot help being positive, I guess that is one of my best qualities. I enjoy having fun and making people laugh, living the good life, but being serious about things that are really important. Always with a wink, though. Some things are hard to change, but I focus on what I can change or influence and don't get consumed by the problems, they will be there the next day regardless, or maybe not." the party guy explains. "Great to hear that. Sounds like you can be an example, and have been, for quite a few people." Saint Peter remarks. "I hope so. I do what I can do, and that should be good enough. "Any aspirations for the future?" Saint Peter inquires. "Being the best version of myself as consistently as I can. As simple as that." the party guy clarifies. "You convince me, I feel it in my gut. Will you please enter and build a party in our great halls?" Saint Peter lays out. The gate of heaven swings open and in goes the party guy, as a group of bunnies hop by. |
| A delightful angel approaches the gate and asks Saint Peter how he is doing. "Is there anything I can help you with?" she adds. "That is very kind of you to ask, you are the first one today to ask me that;" Saint Peter reports, "I couldn't wait for you to come here to keep us company. Your radiance is magical, your eyes are so soft and gentle, I just want to hug you." Saint Peter desires. The angel gives Saint Peter the warmest hug you can imagine. She then tells what an adventure it was to be on Earth, even with all the crazy stuff going on. How she always wanted to warm the hearts of everyone she met, even if some didn't allow her to get close, how it fulfilled her to connect with people and hear their personal stories, their dreams, their struggles, see their uniqueness, feel their essence and share their company. "If everyone among humanity would be like you, I would need to find a new job. There would be no walls to keep the wrong people out, no division, no sorrow. It would be an entirely different world, where each and everyone wants to outdo all others in being more loving, more giving, more inspiring, wiser, funnier, more exciting and more creative." Saint Peter praises the angel. He doesn't need to say anything or wave, the gate is already wide open and a large crowd is gathered to embrace the angel that was missing. "On Earth they say that only the good die young, and that it is due to evil deeds by others, but not entirely so. We just cannot do without our angels for so long, our love pulls them back home." Saint Peter concludes. |